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Two poems by Wilf Berger from Croydon 
- Terminal Love and illogical Woman

Terminal Love
Terminal Love
by Wilf Berger

Knowing you´ll soon pass by
I replace my glass eye,
sensing I'm going to grin
my false teeth I put in

I´ve concealed my eight toes
in some extra thick hose
and I hope you wont stare 
at the absence of hair.

At the sound of your tread
the pains leave my head,
And I´m propped here with pride 
after my Zimmer I hide.

Then the sight of your face
makes my pacemaker race
and the pop songs you sing
make my hearing aid ping.

As your sweet dulcet tones 
stiffen my brittle bones
the warmth of your glow
makes incontinence go.

At the sound of your voice
my intestines rejoice
for once you have spoken
constipation is broken.

My rheumatic pains end
when charisma you send
and your beautiful smile
neutralises my bile.

But as you draw near
I fibrillate with fear
you'll not even notice 
I stand wheezing here.

Can this be love 
with a capital L?
I've senile dementia 
so how can I tell!?

please let me know soon 
if my feelings you share
we can then honeymoon
in Intensive Care!

P.S.
A sinus has cleared
I know it's a sign
that you are intended
for my valentine!

illogical woman (God Bless Her!)


She may flee from the house 
at the sight of a mouse
and ice form inside her 
when faced with a spider
feel great consternation 
at flu' vaccination
and grip both hands tight 
at a horror film fright.

She may freeze to inaction 
at each birth contraction
be far less than calm
at a burglar alarm
as the tooth drill whines higher
her palms may perspire
and she might turn quite pale 
at her ailing child's wail.

She may shiver and shake
when confronting a snake 
and burst into tears
if a grey hair appears
but all these are nought
to her one greatest fear
of the all downhill slide
from her fortieth year.



Wilf Berger