(Insensitive Wife - below)

What do we do to make our days interesting?
 

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said,

"Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket
for having worn tyres.

So I called him a s---head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the
windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went
on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.


I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.   It's important at
my age.

Insensitive Wife

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has
told him he has only 24 hours to live.  Given this prognosis, Ralph asks
his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,
you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one
more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he
now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
"Honey, please... just one more time before I die?"

She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until
he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses.

"Honey, I have only 4 more hours, do you think we could............."?

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up
in the morning...You don't."