Monklands Memories - Airdrie & Coatbridge areas

Official language of the EU   Anon

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English  will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the  other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded  that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5  year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

 In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
 make he sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour  of he"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less  letter.

 There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
 troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
 "fotograf" 20% shorter.

 In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments  will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a  deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the  sient "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

 By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
 with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
 dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid  to ozer kombinations of leters.

 After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mortrubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
 Ze  drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!