|
THE TRIALS AND
TRIBULATIONS OF HAVING GRANDCHILDREN!
submitted by Tom Frew
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,
under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter
as she'd done many times before. After she applied
her lipstick and started to leave, the little one
said, 'But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet
paper good-bye!'
**************************
My young grandson called the other day to wish me
Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I
told him, '62.' He was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked,
'Did you start at 1?
**************************
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a
grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy
blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard
the children getting more and more rambunctious,
her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and
stormed into their room, putting them back to bed
with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard
the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
'Who was THAT?'
**************************
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter
what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate
outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire;
it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.' The
little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said,
'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
**************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?' I
mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how
are we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.
**************************
A little girl was diligently pounding away on
her grandfather's
word processor. She told him she was writing a
story. 'What's it about?' he asked.
'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.'
**************************
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her
colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would
point out something and ask what colour it was. She
would tell me, and always she was correct. But it
was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed
for the door, saying sagely,
'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some
of these yourself.'
**************************
My 3-year-old granddaughter and I were studying the
world globe, and finding different points of
interest. I pointed to the ocean and asked her what
that was. She was hesitant to answer, so I said,
'that's the ocean.'
Whereupon she said, 'Very good!'
**************************
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation
cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside
to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I
did, Billy whispered,
'It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming
after us with
flashlights.'
**************************
Grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly
replied, 'I'm not
sure. ' 'Look in your underwear, Grandma,' he
advised.
'Mine says I'm 4 to 6.'
**************************
A 6 year old came home from school and said to her
grand mother, 'Grandma, guess what? We learned how
to make babies today.' The grandmother, more than a
little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's
interesting,' she said, 'How do you make babies?'
'It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You just change
'y' to 'i' and add 'es''
**************************
Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public
servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The
fireman came down the ladder pregnant.' The teacher
took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know
what pregnant means?' she asked. Yes,' said the
young boy confidently.
'It means carrying a child. '
**************************
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station
wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck
zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep
crowds back,' said one youngster. 'No, said
another, 'he's just for good luck.' A third child
brought the argument to a
close.
'They use the dogs', she said firmly, 'to find the
fire hydrants'
************************** |
|
Features - Humour
