|
More Jokes from Brian Houston
FORE!
Two women were
playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next
hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped
his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and
proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize.
'Please allow me to help I'm a Physical Therapist and I know
I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,'
the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still
clasping his hands together at his groin. At her
persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
administered tender and artful massage for several long
moments and asked,' How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's
broken.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JOY
A
woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping
on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have
any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with
you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I
don't care what you think. I just came from having a
mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I
healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your
55-year old ass?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight
and she couldn't step up. She reached behind her and lowered
the zip a bit and tried again.
The Skirt was still too tight. She reached behind her and
lowered the zip some more.
She still couldn't get on the bus and lowered the zip a third
time. All of the sudden, she felt two hands on her behind,
which proceeded to push her up on to the bus.
She spun around, with anger in her eyes and said very
indignantly, "Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to
behave in such a manner!!"
The man smiled coyly and said, "Lady, I don't know you well
enough for you to unzip my fly three times either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Koot
Upon
reaching age 65, old Koot decided to retire.
After having him under foot for a few months,
Mrs. Koot became very agitated with him. She
suggested he go and do something to occupy his
time, like join a club or get a hobby.
Old Koot obliged and went out for a couple of
hours. When he returned, Mrs. Koot asked about
his day and he replied, 'Oh, I just went down to
the park and hung out with the guys. And oh
yeah, I joined a parachute club.'
'What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and
you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?'
'Yeah, look I even got a membership card.'
Mrs. Koot took the card and read it. 'Old man,
you need glasses!
This is
a membership in a PROSTITUTE Club, not a
Parachute Club!'
'Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed
up for 5 jumps a week'.
|
Features - Humour
